


Its Not His Fault He Doesn't Remember.

by louistanktops



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: #americas next top model lol no, #i don't know what I'm doing with my life, #im ending it here, #its my first tho, #kind of based on afire love by ed sheeran, #this fic got me emotional, #this shit is messed up, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-02
Updated: 2014-09-02
Packaged: 2018-02-15 21:40:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2244369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/louistanktops/pseuds/louistanktops
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Niall and Harry are in their early 60s and they're in love. Everthing is beautiful, you'd think, but Niall has Alzheimer's disease. Nonetheless, Harry learns live with it, because he knows he has to appreciate the little things he's got rather than complain.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Its Not His Fault He Doesn't Remember.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first ever fanfic. I get it if you think its shitty I mean... P.S based on the song 'Afire Love' by Ed Sheeran. I did not use all of the lyrics so it could go with the story. I'm sorry if it ruined the whole thing but I tried.

\--

 

~ "Things were all good yesterday  
And then the devil took your memory  
And if you fell to your death today  
I hope that heaven is your resting place" ~

 

\--

 

We were at the hospital for what seemed like the millionth time. Not really the millionth because I didn't want Niall coming here a lot since he always told me he hated hospitals because of how they smell and it makes him feel like he was going to "pass out while puking his guts out". Its true though. It smells really fucking bad in hospitals. Another reason why didn't want Niall to be here is because I've heard that Alzheimer's patients shouldn't spend most of their times at hospitals because it makes things worse and of course I don't want that.

We were at this white hell of heartbreaks and heartaches because Niall got aggressive after dinner. It happens to Alzheimer's patients but nobody knows the reason they occur. When Niall gets aggressive it scares the shit out of me but I keep up with it. Even though its really hard.

The thought of last night made me squeeze his hand tighter. He was laying down passed out, looking pale as ever. Its normal for people at their early 60s. We're really old and sometimes I actually forget we aren't at our youth anymore. Time really passes fast. I kept thinking about how me and Niall were at our 60s and how we might die any second now. The thought frightened me but I have to live with it. I'm no longer young now. Niall would most probably die before me. It made my heart ache. But, if he does, I hope he ends up in heaven.

 

\--

 

~ "I heard the doctors put your chest in pain  
But then that could've been the medicine  
And now you're lying in the bed again  
Either way I'll cry with the rest of them" ~

 

\--

 

Me and Niall share a room at the nursing home because Niall says he wants me close to him all the time. "When you're away, I feel lost. I feel like I'm missing a part of me. I don't know why but when I'm with you I feel whole again", he said the first time we entered the nursing home. Last night broke me apart. Everytime Niall has those 'agressive moments' he's a completely different person. During dinner, he saw a picture of us together at our 20s and said, "I don't remember who this guy with the beautiful green eyes is, but I have a feeling we were in love. Deeply in love". I then looked at him with wide eyes. He looked back at me and said, "They look so much like yours" and went back to eating his dinner. Someone with an Alzheimer's disease could remember things from very long past but they won't be able to remember what happened earlier during the day. Niall remembered me from the past, but not me now. But, its fine, nonetheless. Because the little things he remembers instantly lights up my day.

After dinner, we went back to bed. He started screaming at the top of his lungs. He broke things here and there. He was wild. It scares me when he gets angry. Its like the lion itself.

The doctors rushed in and injected him with the medicine. He screamed louder. I couldn't stand watching him in pain. But as seconds passed he was calmer, and he slowly closed his eyes shut, passing out.

 

\--

 

~ "And my father told me, son  
It's not his fault he doesn't know your face" ~

 

\--

 

My dad was right behind me at the moment. I didn't see him entering. I was probably too zoned out to even make sure I was breathing. My dad was in his late 90's. Its quite weird how long he's lived but I guess he's quite healthy, unlike my mom. She died at her mid 70's because apparently she couldn't breathe right. My dad was heartbroken when she died but he still kept on a smile. He'd say, "Nothing lasts or stays forever. And what's important is that she still lives in my heart. Death can break people apart but it could never do it to love."

My father put his arm on my shoulder and sighed. He told me he just wanted to check up on me and make sure I was fine and with that he left.

Hours passed and Niall still hasn't woken up yet. It made me nervous. I was over thinking to a point where I could fly to a different planet. I didn't even bother to check the time. I'm so stressed and I'm gonna get really fucked up if he doesn't open his eyes any sooner.

To my relief he opened his eyes after what seemed like 40 minutes. He then looked at me and asked me what he was doing here. I told him that he was a little tired. He turned his and looked at the fan. Later on he realized I was holding his hand. He instantly moved his hand away from mine and scooted a little bit further away from me. He said that he doesn't know me and that I should get away from him because I was scary him. He started screaming and the doctors rushed in. He took me out of the room and I started tearing up. I sat in one of these very uncomfortable seats that were a couple of feet away from Nialls room. My dad came back and sat down beside me and said, "Son, its not his fault he doesn't remember you." I cried harder. I didn't really know what to do. I'm slowly dieing emotionally and Niall is actually dieing.

A couple of minutes later a nurse came out. She had sad eyes and her head was held low. I asked her what had happened and she looked at me with sympathy. I didn't quite catch what she meant with her expressions. She was beginning to stress me out. I asked her again, but this time with a louder tone. She looked at the floor again and said with a very low voice that couldn't almost be heard "He passed away. I'm really sorry for your loss". I just stood there with my jaw hanging open and my eyes wide open. I couldn't believe it. The nurse asked me if I was okay and with that I collapsed into the floor.

 

\--

 

~ "Things were all good yesterday  
But then the devil took your breath away  
And now we're left here in the pain  
Black suit, black tie, standing in the rain" ~

 

\--

 

||2 weeks later||

We were at Nialls funeral. I never thought this day would come. I guess they say "expect the unexpected" for a reason. I haven't ate much in the past 2 weeks. I've lost my appetite when Niall isn't here. All I did was lay in my bed with one of my hands holding onto Nialls shirt and the other on my heart. I wouldn't talk to anybody. I wouldn't answer the calls or the door. It fucked me up but I don't care. He's dead now. He's never coming back again.

I had my black suit on and I would wear it everyday. Its as dark as my soul now, and probably will be for the rest of my life.

It was getting quite chilly at the moment. For some reason the funeral was at 6:00 P.M. Probably because they knew I'd be in the bed for a quite long time. I felt a drop on my shoulder. I looked up and realized that it was beginning to rain. I put my concentration back to the funeral.

It started to rain heavily after a couple of minutes. I feel like it was meant to rain this heavy because Niall is gone now. I'm sure he's in a better place. But it really hurts so bad that he's not here with me. Life sucks without Niall and I'd rather go away with him than stay here. But I'm not gonna kill myself. I'm a strict believer in 'if you kill yourself, you would end up in hell' thing. I'm just gonna have to wait till my last breathe.

 

\--

||6 months later||

I was doing my usual ' stay-all-day-in-bed-looking-back-at-memories-of-Niall-and-I ' routine. I never got tired of it perhaps because I'd prefer to do nothing other than that. I'd rather stay like this for the rest of my life than 'socialize'.

I remembered a lot of stuff. To be honest, if we re-enacted these memories it would've taken us years. That's how many we've had. Its overwhelming the amount of things me and Niall went through. Some were beautiful - like the time on valentines day - and some were depressing - like the time I had to leave town for a year. 

I even remembered things Niall told me about, like the way he dances around while having chocolate, or the time Niall told me he has a journal. It suddenly struck me then. Niall has a fucking journal. a journal where he writes things. He fucking writes in a fucking journal. 

I got out of my bed and looked around the room. I checked the dresser, the wardrobe, under the beds, every where. I finally found it in a drawer between Nialls clothes. Some of the pages were blank but others were of how he spent his days. He had this journal for almost 40 fucking years. He didn't write every single day. I've noticed that he first wrote when he was 16. He'd stop for a couple of days in between. Then he stopped for 2 years and continued again. He stopped for another 2 years and then for 20 years.

I've read through some of the pages. One of them had the first time we saw each other at school. We actually first met when I was 11. We were watching a football match. His dad was beside me and he was beside his dad. We instantly clicked but we knew for sure we wouldn't be seeing each other again. But we did in high-school. He was a transfer student and was at most of my classes. He wrote about how he started liking me since day 1 and the day we were officially 'boyfriends'. He wrote about our valentines and about our first kiss. He wrote about our birthdays and about our wedding.

He even wrote about the love we share. He wrote "Our love is one of a kind, I believe. We've gone through so much bullshit but we're still on our feet holding hands. We were thousands of miles away but that didn't stop us from loving each other and miraculously, it didn't change how we feel about each other. All through these years I've felt the same towards my love. I still get lost in his eyes and I still melt from his touch. I don't think it'll ever change. I hope it never changes because love stays forever"

I've skipped to the part where he was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease. He wrote about how mad at himself he was and about how I didn't deserve a kind of person who would forget every single thing. He wrote about how shitty he felt. He wrote feelings that I never thought about

All these words hit me like a brick. I thought of what would've happened if Niall was never diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease. I thought of what would've happened if I never asked him what his name was during the football match. I thought of what would've happened if he was never transfered from his school or if he was transferred to a different one. I thought of what would've happened if we never had our first kiss. I thought of what would've happened if I never asked him out. I wondered what would've happened if we were never in love. 

I was deep into my thoughts that I felt like it have been ages since I found his journal. Until it hit me. I couldn't breathe. It was so suffocating and I felt like my whole world is breaking down. It hurt like hell and I didn't know what to do. My heart ached, until I lost it, and suddenly, everything turned black.

**Author's Note:**

> Sooo yeeahhh... Incase you didn't quite catch that, Harry dies of heartbreak and yes it is possible. That's all children. Don't forget to brush your teeth and have your milk before bed. Have a lovely day.xx


End file.
